I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
