so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you mean i was at the winter classic?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
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I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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