Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
