You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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