since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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