my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
