before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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