Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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