My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
