I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
