he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
