It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
