Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
