i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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