He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
