Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
