I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
