bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
