Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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