how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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