she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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