I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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