8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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