Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
