"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
