Whod you bang
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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