And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
