you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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