Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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