why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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