She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
