Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself