I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You are a genius and a whore.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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