K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
