Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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