I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
