i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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