I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
