You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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