Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
