I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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