thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
