onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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