Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
