Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
