i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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