he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
