I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
