weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
