i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I had to cum in my sink.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
