Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
