I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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