Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
