my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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