I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
