We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
