I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize