Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
