Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
