I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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