man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
