Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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