My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
