I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
