If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
