Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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