I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
