He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
