I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
