Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
