I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
